Shadow of Perfection

It is said to just be yourself. The problem with just being ourselves never seems good enough for the rest of society. We are given all these standards of how we should look, act, and even be interested in. We are feed everyday what we should be from when we come into this world. Our parents try or at the very least should  to tell us we should just be the person we were born to be. Too bad our perception of ourselves can interfere with who we should be.

In general, fairy tales are my absolute favorite, they always have a romantic element and a happily ever after. One day I got to thinking about them and as much as I love fairy tales, I don't want that to be my love story. In every tale there of course is the princess who needs rescuing, the handsome prince who comes to her rescue, the evil stepmother who puts her into harms way. The thing is that I don't want to need rescuing, the only thing I want to be dependent is on the Lord. After all when he has my eternity in his hands, I know regardless of what happens that he has got me. As for my Prince, I want him to see me as an independent woman who knows who she is, not a damsel in distress. I don't want to relay on him out of need but because he is wanting to do anything to make life better for me. The Evil stepmother in my world is non existent. For one my mother isn't like that at all, the relationship between us has always been to better me, and when I fall to pick me up. The vanity, pride, and hate that comes from the stepmother is an ugly thing, and to be clouded by such will put a strain on love even in it's purest form. I don't want a normal fairy tale, I want my own story. 

Middle school was the absolute worst when it comes to being yourself. A time of supposed self discovery really becomes a time of when you discover all of your downfalls and imperfections. Society begins their invasive ideals of how girls need to be skinny, either ignorant and liked by many or intelligent and few friends,  that the clothes, the makeup we wear, the activities and our interests define who we are. Everyone is looking for acceptance and yet anyone who doesn't fit into the 'typical' standards is torn down and made to feel incompetent.  

We try so hard to fit into the generalizations of we are supposed to be and how things are supposed to go. We should never try to be anyone other than ourselves because that is not who are meant to be. We can easily lose our identity trying to be perfection by society's standards. Think about it, Billions of people are in this world and not one is meant to be you other than you. You are the only one with your fingerprints, your DNA, so why try to assimilate into the 'normal' crowd. 

Be bold. Be brave. Be courageous. Be you. 

Everyone has a purpose. Trying to attain perfection is like trying to catch the wind. You grasp, but always end empty handed. 

As the season ends...

As my first year of playing college soccer comes to a close there are many things to look back on.
One thing I have learned is to just jump. Second, make sure what you do is your passion. Three, give it everything.
I wasn't even planning on playing soccer in college, I had only one season under my belt and that was just last spring, my senior year. Throughout my season, I fell in love with the game. However knowing that I wasn't going to have a chance to play again, every game was my everything.
Showing up to Hills the Sunday before classes started to make sure everything was in order, I knew there was a game but didn't want to go alone. I was set on leaving, until I saw the field. The girls game had just started. I gave in, and went. Standing at the edge of the field two thoughts kept crossing my mind. 1) these boys behind me are going to think I am crazy due to excess commentary of the game 2) I really want to be out there. I felt that in my bones, and heart. As the game went on, I turned to ask one of the guys behind me a question and turned out they were on the boys team. So we got into a nice little discussion of soccer, as my luck would have it, the girls were down on numbers and needed girls. Especially some defense, which I played. This was crazy to me, I didn't think I could just walk up and be hey I think I want to play as the season was starting, but apparently I could. So I did.
Showing up to practice the next day I was so nervous, I hadnt touched a ball since May, was not in shape, and knew no one. But I knew I wanted to play so I was going to do whatever it took. I had told myself if I was going to do this, it was 110% everyday, anything else wasn't acceptable, it was college level.
Practice ended up just fine, and of course I was all anxious about nothing. It turned out that the team had a tournament that weekend, I wanted to go but thought I wouldn't because I hadnt even had a weeks full of practice with my team. Once again I was wrong. Coach said he normally waited a week to take people but he saw me working hard throughout the practices (they were the two worse during the season) and since I showed up with everything in order the next day to practice, he was going to let me go. We ended up losing all our games that weekend, but I even saw some playing time. So it was an overall good weekend for me.
Since then, everything has happened so quickly. I feel as though I was just at that game, at that tournament. I cannot thank my girls enough for giving me a wonderful welcoming onto the team, who have encouraged me, helped me, and ultimately gave me wonderful first year of college soccer.we have had our ups and downs as individuals and as a team, but we wouldn't be the team, the friends we are today without them.

I jumped, it was my passion, gave it everything, and that has made my college experience that much better, plus it helped the friend situation, which I was also nervous about.

Odyssey of Self Discovery

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. Ernest Hemingway 

Since I was a little girl reading was my favorite, and I always wanted to write a book that would inspire people. Now as a college student, the desire has come back. I was never good at writing a book in a formal format. My brain is way to scattered to follow such rules. This shall be the beginning of it all. I just intend to sit and write, let it flow. My dreams, aspirations, inspirations, troubles, and even loves make me who I am, and I want to be able to share that part of me with the world. Just to put it out there. This is for me. To begin my odyssey of self discovery.